When Mallam Nasir “The Giant” El-Rufai posted the above tweet, I doubt that the man had any idea of the sort of shit storm he was going to be facing. In double-quick time, the League of Defenders of God and Jesus deployed its members to meet this affront head-on. One person even went so far as to say that the tweet displayed the sort of attitude that led to the creation of Boko Haram! Mallam soon posted an apology, but that hasn’t been the end of it, oh no! The comments section of that apology has become a battleground on which Christians and Muslims sling abuse at each other as the infernal pissing contest over whose soul is going to the big penthouse in the sky based on religious leanings rages on.

The speed at which Nigerians leap to the defence of their religious figures is truly baffling when one considers that we are singularly unmoved when issues that actually do matter are up for discussion. The scandalous behaviour of our ruling class (of which Mallam El-Rufai is a card-carrying member) continues to ensure that we remain one of Planet Earth’s greatest socio-economic paradoxes, but Nigerians cannot be mobilised to demand accountability from these rulers. Indeed, if pushed to the wall, Nigerians would find a way to push the wall backwards in order to avoid actually having to do something about it. The system has become so entrenched that the Nigerian dream is about everybody waiting for his/her own chance at the National Cake. Why rock the boat when one can dream of one’s own opportunity to enthusiastically put a few more holes in its hull while one’s praise singers, kinsmen, and hired mouthpieces yell at the rest to shut the fuck up and wait for their own turn to try and sink us all?

Just the other day, the man who looted the pension fund of our underpaid and comically under-equipped police officers of some N23.3 billion was ordered to forfeit some property and pay a fine of N750,000. He didn’t get sentenced to a single minute in jail, and he walked free that very day to continue enjoying his stolen wealth. In contrast, a petty thief was sentenced to death for stealing N1,705 and some powdered milk. Where is the outrage for that? Where’s the spittle-flecked invective for the legal system that gives blowjobs to rich criminals and rams nail-studded planks up the rear ends of the petty crooks? Where are the demands for real reform of the system to ensure that Lady Justice doesn’t slip off her blindfold so she can drool over the private jets and Rolls Royces purchased with our national wealth? There’s none.

That we have so much energy to expend on trivialities such as whether Jesus has been insulted or not, or whether Mallam El-Rufai would have found the tweet as funny if it had referred to the Prophet Mohammed instead of Jesus, or whether Christians or Muslims are going to hell or not must be an utter delight for our rulers. They must thank the gods daily for having bestowed upon them with such lack-witted sheep brained morons as subjects.

Surely, our all powerful deities can fight their own battles and defend their own honour? Shouldn’t El-Rufai have been struck down the instant his thumb hovered over the “send” key on his phone as he laughed over the tweet? Are we monetarily rewarded for the energy we expend in vigorous defence of our gods? Because if they did hand out such rewards, you lot would be pretty rich and then you really wouldn’t have to bother about whether or not your country was on the home stretch of its journey to hell in a handbasket.

Fucking idiots.